Expectations.....and whose are they?

This word has been on my mind lately, actually since we moved and joined our new congregation. At our old church I didn't feel other people's expectations on me as much. I did spend a lot of my time with our student's chaperoning missions trips and building relationships with them. It was obviously easier for me to do with Dan being our youth pastor. Later I started getting involved with a funeral during the summer when I wasn't working. I did this because I felt called to and had we stayed would have continued during the summers. I don't know quite what it was just that I'm a people person, wasn't working, and it "popped" into my head more than once that I could and would want to try that, so I did it.

Our message today (from Dan;) was all about "hearing the call from God" and being open and listening to it. Sometimes we ignore it. How do you decipher when/where you are being called? I know there have been times I've ignored God's call only to hear it dimly in the background. Eventually it becomes so clear that I can't deny it anymore. Helping at funerals for example...I didn't offer to help the first time it popped in my head, it was probably the 3rd or 4th time.

So how do you tell the difference between God calling you or someone's expectation of you? Dan has always been SO good about this. He treats me like any other congregation member and doesn't expect me to do things just because I am his wife. These expectations are not from him. When someone approaches me and tells me that they think I should do this or that I get a weird and anxious feeling. I don't like it that's for sure.

Dan hadn't even been installed at our new church and I was already asked to be the vice president of an organization in our church. I wish I felt honored, but I didn't and I don't. Every intuitive nerve in my body tells me that it's not God calling me to do this, but it's an expectation of humans that the pastor's wife is "supposed" to do things like this. I've never even participated in this organization before let alone I'd have to lead it a year from now. How about an invitation to join them first or a we'd love to have you instead of a we think you need to do this. Every time I'm approached with a request with the expectation that I do this, I pull further and further away from even wanting to join them at all in the future. Is there a discriminatory term for this, you ask the pastor's wife to do everything because she's supposed to. I'll call it pastoral spouse expectivisim.

Don't get me wrong, I really like our new church. I just don't like some of the expectations some of them are putting on me. I don't buy into stereotypes that that's just what pastor's wives do. That might be ok for some, but not me. I am my own person. I have a name, a personality, a sense of humor, a brain, likes and dislikes. I have my own opinions, feelings, prayers, and hurts. I am NOT just Dan's wife. I don't want a label and frankly the more people try to put one on me the more I push away. More importantly my God has expectations for me and places he wants me to be, things he wants me to do and if I'm running around filling everyone else's expectations and not his then I don't think that's right.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to feel and be called by God, not by people who think I should be doing something because it's the stereotypical role a pastor's wife has taken on. I know that those expectations will NEVER go away, but it at least feels better to somewhat vent about it. To remain true to myself and then to calmly and patiently listen to where I am truly feeling called by God.

There it is..........becoming a Befriender in our church has now popped into my head twice today. Hmmm.........maybe that's God calling? We'll see;)